Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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