you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So many bounce houses so little time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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