dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
