u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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