we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
