I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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