Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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