life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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