I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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