Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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