someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
