I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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