Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sorry about my life...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
