Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
