My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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