Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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