Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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