Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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