Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
