He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
