Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
