I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
