Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
