Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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