i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
