Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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