You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its not stalking. its research.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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