Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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