That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
