She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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