i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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