Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
