ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
