Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
