a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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