yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
