the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
