i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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