the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
