how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
