I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
