The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He shit in the fireplace
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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