You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I forget how to act sober
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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