Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's official drugs can't kill me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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