I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
