But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
