We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
