I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
