I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Michael Bay diarrhea
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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