My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
