A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
