I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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