Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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