the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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