Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
