the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
