i permit you to call me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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