I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
