I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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