"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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