I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
