Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
