"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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