I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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