so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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