Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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