Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
soo... how was my night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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