I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
