They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
