yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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