So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize