Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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