Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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