Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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