just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
