I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
